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Maturity in relationships
Topic Started: Apr 10 2015, 02:54 AM (861 Views)
Arkadom Apr 10 2015, 07:04 PM Post #16
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Bargle nawdle zouss
Zeddicus
Apr 10 2015, 02:22 PM
Buuberries
Apr 10 2015, 07:37 AM
Quote:
 
I just expect loyalty. Maturity is an unnatural state that is assumed by those who attempt to reach a level of superiority, immaturity is the natural state of being in which all things are a wonder and life is a limited resource to be explored, lessons to be learned and so on. To claim to be mature is to claim all your lessons have been learned and all you life lived, and if so, why on Earth are you talking to me? Thou shalt return to the Heavens and govern the Earth, my lord.
I wouldn't define immaturity and maturity as that at all -- at least not in regards to people and growing up.

I'm 25 going on 26 and I feel like I haven't changed too much compared to my 18 to 20-year old self, but I look back on how I was back then and how I cope and deal with s*** now, and I realise I've definitely matured. The same goes with most of my old friends -- they seem like the same person, but also different because they've matured. When I'm in my 40s, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to look back on my 25-year old self and think what a naive little s*** I was.

If anything, knowing that you aren't superior and that there are always things to learn in life is a sign of maturity.

Quote:
 
Loyalty is natural, it's instinct, to stick with trustworthy and proven-reliable partners, all animals possess it and humans are still animals, therefore the only thing I think is necessary in at least the start of a relationship is loyalty. If you start a relationship you don't intend to work for and stick with then why bother in the first place?
Pretty sure the academic literature is split on whether humans are loyal or not in terms of relationships -- i.e., whether humans are naturally monogamous or not.

Quote:
 
And nobody here can vouch for maturity, we're on a forum built around space-faring muscle men that shoot colourful beams out of their hands, seek nothing less and nothing more than what you yourself have to offer :lol:
I know, right? No one here has a life outside of this forum; no one here deals with real life. We're all naive little kids.


tl;dr- lol
Since I don't know how to split quotes into parts and comment on each one, I'll just comment on your (Buu) paragraphs individually.

1. I don't think your view of maturity and Arkadom's disagree necessarily. He's saying that no one's completely mature, and you're saying that people are matur-ING. It seems to be the same thing, and I happen to agree with you both. No one has to be totally mature (or act like they are), but learning from life's little lessons is profoundly important in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. And speaking of romance...

2. I took Arka's definition of loyalty to apply to a general sense of bonding and comraderie, and not necessarily applying specifically to a committed, romantic relationship. I guess you can call the whole "are we monogamous by nature" thing into question, but I feel it's more up to the individuals involved. If you want monogamy, then that's what you look for. If not, great. Go with whatever works for you.

3. I feel like you're being deliberately difficult and mocking with your response to this one. He's clearly just making a joke about this hobby that we -all- share, no one's assuming that it's all we do - hopefully. You've gotta go with the intent of the poster, and I'm sure you know what he was trying to say.


Glad to see I was understood, I can often be serious but I do tend to get more metaphoric and playful with some subjects, especially ones such as this where maturity is a subject. I'm glad you saw that my view on maturity is not so much a black and white as it is a shades of grey kind of view, but I simply think that those that consciously try to be mature are doing it wrong simply because the most mature way to handle a situation is to do it naturally, not try and force maturity. It's not mature to lie and say you're fine if you're incredibly angry or upset :lol:

Buuberries
Apr 10 2015, 03:33 PM
1. I didn't take any of his comments as that at all.I was actually thinking earlier that I was describing the process of maturing and was going to make some crappy comparison about how humans aren't like cheese or wine, but thought f*** it, so yes -- maybe.

"To claim to be mature is to claim all your lessons have been learned and all you life lived"

It's mainly that part with which I disagree.

2. Well, the thread is about relationships and significant others so maybe I was being presumptuous, but talking about loyalty in the context of relationships made sense.

3. Thanks, my sarcasm runs strongly in this place. Your feelings are so strong they're making me blush. Anyway, I've only ever seen him post super serious replies, so it wasn't clear to me if he was joking or not; I figured I might as well leave a comment since I disagreed with most of his post. gotta do what u gotta do, ukno


All's fair, my friend. I can understand why you'd take my post the way you did considering I do indeed usually post seriously, but that's because I typically post in things that deal with people's direct emotions, this is a more vague and distant topic on opinionated terms of how certain things work. Nobody will have a final answer because it's a subjective idea. Especially loyalty, but in my view loyalty is a natural instinct, because it is. It's to increase chances of survival and reduce risks of harm. Loyalty is self-preservation, so in a way loyalty is a rather selfish thing, but that is subconsciously. A conscious loyalty is a very, very important thing, and if you can stick to it; even better.

I also understand you disagreeing with my view on maturity, so I will elaborate:
I don't believe that those who try to be mature are fools. Nor do I believe those who think they are mature are fools. I simply think that, if someone can claim to be wise and mature, then for whatever stage in their life they are at, that would imply they know it all and have had the full experience. Every man is a child from the day he's born to the day he dies, no amount of work hours, stress or facial hair can break that. We always have new things to learn and new ways to push ourselves and progress further, so therefore, the way I see it, if you can truly think to yourself that you are mature (especially if you claim to be more mature than someone else) then it's just an indication that you are far from it, because you have yet to learn the basic lesson that there is always another lesson to follow ;)

Buuberries
Apr 10 2015, 05:53 PM
I'd just woken up at that time, so my post probably sounded a bit more hostile than I meant it to be.


It's all good, it's a deep discussion after all :lol:
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Dankness Lava Apr 10 2015, 11:28 PM Post #17
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Dankness Forever

 My experience with dating is very limited, so it's hard for me to say but...

I think I would desire someone who is accepting of how I live to an extent. Of course change is good when it's improvement, I just don't want any customs or lifestyle forced down my throat. I'd say that's an important one.

I also want someone who is willing to try new things with me. To go somewhere I haven't been before, a new activity, whatever it may be. Constructive stuff, of course. I also want her to do the same with me. Spicing it up is important I'm sure.

That's really all I would ask, at least of the top of my head.
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